Heart Rebuilt

After discovering the affair, I knew I needed to confront my husband, but I wasn’t strong enough at that moment. I felt weak and didn’t know where to begin. But I couldn’t hold it in any longer. My heart and mind were in panic mode.

When I finally asked him, guess what his first reaction was? Yes, he lied. But the evidence, along with all the events I recalled, clearly showed that the affair was still happening.

Before all this, my marriage was okay. I loved my husband for being a supportive partner, a loving and caring father, a provider, and a servant of God. Like all marriages, we had our issues, but I believed that with time, things would get better.

At first, I didn’t even consider leaving. The situation felt brutal, but I had never imagined myself as a single mom raising my kids alone. I told myself, I’m not going to divorce. I didn’t want to picture my little kids growing up in a single-parent household. I made up my mind, I would stay, for the sake of my children.

My husband asked for forgiveness. He didn’t want the marriage to end. But the hardest part was not getting an answer to the question constantly on my mind: “Why did you step out of our marriage to be with another woman?”

His response, “It’s not your fault” only made things harder. If it’s not my fault, then what is it? How can I fix something when I don’t even know what broke it? Surely there must be a reason why someone chooses to betray their spouse. Sadly, I was never given one.

That’s when reality hit me. My life had changed. I couldn’t escape the memories, the conversations, the pictures I saw of him with her. Every time I thought about that trip, I felt angry. I began experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.

Eventually, I made the decision to give our marriage a second chance. But the healing process has been incredibly difficult. How do I move on as if nothing happened? I forgave my husband, but how do I learn to trust him again?

Choosing to stay and work on the marriage might seem easier at first, but the journey of healing is the hardest part.

How do I heal from betrayal and begin to rebuild our relationship?

In my next post, I’ll share the process I went through, and am still going through to heal and restore my marriage.